Hi guys, leave it to me to turn a relationship post into something that sounds like a management framework e.g. 'porter's 5's forcers' or the '3 C's model'. Everyone knows a relationship is work but a happy long-lasting relationship is even more tasking.
Maybe you’ve tried in the past and it just didn’t work out. But you’ve seen people around you whose relationships you refer to as GOALS. As much it shouldn’t be your goal to have the same type of relationship as someone else, there’s nothing wrong with wanting HAPPILY EVER AFTER. And you can get it, if you focus on these THREE C's🙂
Communication – I can’t stress this enough because it could make or break a relationship. It’s so important for navigating the time you spend dedicating to someone else. It’s the difference between feeling neglected and feeling appreciated. Picture this, lately your partner has been absent. It seems like they’re always working or on the go. You haven’t been able to see them due to their new schedule. What's worse, when you finally get them on a call or Skype, they’re also doing a million other things. Imagine all this is happening and your relationship is relatively new. There are so many problems that could arise in this situation, all of which can be put to rest by talking about it. Yes, just talk! Before you drive yourself crazy with different scenarios of why your boyfriend isn’t replying, talk to him about it. I see how that can be difficult when he's not even present in the first place but do what you have to do to get his attention. If everything else feels right with you guys, chances are he's working on a very tasking project and doesn't have the capacity for other things. Sometimes people expect their partners to be mind readers. Don’t be one of those people. Tell him exactly how you feel because that’s the only way you’ll be able to positively deal with it. On the other hand, encourage him to be open about his needs, in respect to how much time he has and changes in his schedule. Don’t ever be shy about asking for what you need otherwise you won't get it. Sometimes it can be hard to communicate and I've found that some of that comes from a place of pride. If you want to be happy in your relationship, leave pride out the door😌
Compromise - Remember when you just started dating and every thing was peachy? Remember how perfect it was and how you felt like you felt like you would do anything to make it last forever? But hold on...you don't really want to do that, do you? Compromise is the acceptance of standards. which are lower than desired. It's good and sometimes necessary to keep things going but only in little bits. You don't want to change yourself in the name of compromise for the sake of staying together. That’s not a healthy relationship because your relationship should serve you and not the other way around. When you are called upon to compromise, it’s up to you to evaluate how important those things are and whether or not the relationship is worth it. Bottomline is, a relationship is not burger king, you can’t always have it your way. Think about that the next you have to be flexible on those issues which you don't feel strongly about. However, don’t compromise on your values and other positive things that define you as a person. Try to compromise in a way that you both feel equally appreciated and valued in the relationship. One last thing. As tempting as it can be, compromise is not about keeping scorecards. It can seem that way, but focus instead on the good that comes from doing for your partner as opposed to your expectation that it will be reciprocated.
Commitment - It's true what they say about being in love. It's beautiful, it's powerful and it can be encapsulating. I used to think love was all a happy relationship needed. I was wrong. Love is great but it's not enough. I know this because there are days when I have doubts and I'm highly irritable. Those are the days when I'm reminded of the importance of commitment. There's always going to be someone smarter, cuter, hotter, (insert whatever adjective + 'er), but Knowing that my BF and I made a commitment to each other is all I need to say no to the cute guy at the gym. I'd like to state here in case it's not obvious, that you can be with someone and not be committed to them. I wouldn't take it for granted and assume that commitment is on the table if it hasn't been explicitly discussed. If you haven't done so yet in your relationship, talk about it! Once you're on the same page about your commitment to each other the easy part is done. Ok, the next part isn't hard, you just have to make a conscious decision to choose your partner everyday. It should be pretty easy if you're with the right person. And when it's not easy, communicate and compromise until you've figured out why it's hard for you to choose them over and over again. Lastly, commitment is important in a relationship because it provides security and safety which lets you be open with your partner about your feelings, goals and fears. It's necessary for staying together because let's face it, who wants to waste their time investing their emotions in someone who isn't committed to growing and building together?
Now you guys know. Communication, Compromise, Commitment. I can't promise anything but if you use them wisely, you'll definitely be on your way to a happy relationship all other things being equal.
P.S I've written this from a woman's perspective, but the same exact rules apply for men. No excuses gents.
What do you think about the 3 C's. Do you agree or not. Are there other things you've found just as helpful for staying together?
Keep on Loving.