Dealing with suspicions in a romantic relationship can be tricky. If you've found yourself in this position before or are in it now, it happens to the best of us so there’s nothing to be worried about. There's a certain level of vulnerability one feels when they're in a relationship. You've found the person, who you trust and who has become an important part of your life. All of a sudden, literally out of the blues, on a causal Friday afternoon you hear that they're messing around.
If you’ve ever heard that about your partner and you didn’t automatically think it was false, don’t worry you’re not a bad person. You’re human and it’s okay to have doubts about someone; no matter how much you love them, actually especially if you love them a lot😌 This may or may not be true lol.
What should you do?
First things first, Question the source. Who is telling you this? When did they hear it? From who? and Why would they be telling you now? How long have you known them? Lol so many questions i know ! but seriously, Have they said such things about other people in the past? 🤔Thinking about the answers to these questions will help you discern if this person has your best interest at heart or if they have their own agenda. Regardless of if it's coming from a good or bad place, there's no smoke without fire. That being said the fire could just be that someone somewhere is jealous. If you have a kind heart and would never cook up stories about someone you barely know anything about, this might come as a shocker to you, but there are people out there who thrive on being mischievous is this and other ways. If you feel in your guts like something might be off, I'd definitely look into it. Otherwise, let it go. You can also stop reading now; Unless you feel like there might be some truth to it, then by all means read till the end.
What if you don't have proof?
In terms of finding more information, there might be useful information on a phone or iPad lying somewhere, lol don't ask me how I know😓. PLEASE if you’re tempted to go through your partner's personal effects and you know they’re not okay with it, this is NOT the time to be sneaky. It’ll only make things worse. If it turns out that they're not stepping out of your relationship, you'd only be causing other problems by snooping. If your partner is open and shares their passwords with you then by all means, use it wisely. Also don't cheat 🙄 because you heard something which may or may not be true. If you're inclined to do so, there are other issues you should be thinking about.
How should I approach them?
Depending on how serious you think it is, don’t approach your partner without having a good enough / full story. In a situation where something was casually said and you can’t get more information, you’ll just have to hope that they'll be honest with you. Depending on how well you know your partner, maybe you've figured out their tell by now. It took me a while to figure it out Bae's tell. SO yeah , while you're having the conversation, listen carefully and ask intentional straightforward questions. I'd focus more on the facts than the feelings. If you know what I mean...
Keep in mind that when you approach your partner with the intention of getting some clarity, you should hope for the best but brace yourself for the worst. This means if they confirm they been unfaithful, you’ll be ready to deal with that in an appropriate way. Either way listen out for the truth and what's being said, not what you want to hear.
When should I talk to them?
When you’re ready, preferably after the anger and everything else you're feeling has subsided. When you're clearheaded, tell/ask your partner what you've heard in a non-confrontational manner.
A few things to watch out for during the conversation:
1. Your partner not only denies it duh but either has an explanation or is as eager to get to the bottom of the situation (if you both don't have enough information)
2. Your partner wants to maintain your trust and responds in a way that shows this
3. They are open and forthcoming when approached.
The Bad & The Ugly
1. They get defensive
2. They accuse you of being unfaithful
3. They suddenly seem distracted and can't hold a conversation. It's not shock, they're trying to figure out how to cover up😔
To wrap it up, I really think people know when these things are true and when they’re not. Regardless, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone felt it was true but still wanted some hardcore evidence in order to get closure or whatever. If you're on the fence and you think things don't add up from what you've heard, chances are something's off. At the end of the day, it's your relationship and you shouldn't just take other people's words or experience for it. Forget what people say about men or women. You know your partner, their character and their intentions. Talk it out and get to the bottom of it together.
My friend - "friend"
other person - Stranger
Boyfriend - He / His
So one day at work, stranger tells friend that he was with one of her girls. Friend tries to find out more information before telling me anything but stranger clammed up when she realizes that Friend knows me personally and would not say anymore. Because stranger would not say anything more, she made it seem like it was a reason to be concerned. Turns out that yes, he knows one of her girl's and they had a thing before we met. I actually know stranger's friend and if stranger wasn't being shadey by trying to make it seem recent it wouldn't have been a problem. I found it funny that when she finally gave more information about her claims which BTW could have broken up a weak relationship, she proceeded to comment on his looks and how she wishes they could be friends. LOL I can't make this stuff up. I couldn't believe when I saw her comment about how HOT he is :/ People really are different. Oh well, the moral of the story is, if you're in a relationship now, be open about your past so that stuff like this doesn't creep up on you.
Have you been in the position before? who did you deal with it?
Don't let them stop you. Keep on loving!