Hi my loves,
There's a guest writer on the blog today and it's non other than my fiancé 💞 Obi thought it would be a good idea for him do a write up about getting engaged, in an attempt to give a well rounded picture of our story. I'm reading his submission for the first time, and I'll add my comments in this color/(in parenthesis), wherever I have something to say.
I’m not the most proficient writer, truth is I hardly ever write but today, I feel inspired to share a few words with the ATTICSphere.
On Friday, August 25 2017, I asked my then girlfriend- Chinju, to be my wife and thankfully, she said yes. Was there a chance her answer could have been different, absolutely. You should never take these moments for granted or be too sure that your girlfriend will say yes. I was a little nervous all day and I think she felt it, I think she appreciated that.
Before I proposed, I had received both solicited and unsolicited advice from friends about what my ideal age should be before proposing, how much money I should ensure I had saved up, how much to spend on a ring, how old my girlfriend should be and the list goes on. Often many people give advice they have been given in the past, heard in passing or that seems most ideal according to current societal norms.
We are all different with unique ideals so if you ask me, I would suggest that you get to know yourself and significant other, understand both of your wishes and act accordingly. You’re not getting engaged, married and living together to please others, it is and must always be to fulfill God’s will in your life together, as a couple.
Here are my thoughts on these 4 topics that seemed to come up in marriage discussion with friends & family.
1. Guys, you’re only ready to get married after you’re 30 years old and ladies, after 30 you’re too old. That’s a load of crap with highly questionable origins. Your time and most importantly, God’s time is best.
2. Guys, you need to have amassed a very large amount of savings and ladies, you must have a fantastic career already with a good amount of “EFF YOU” money (first time i'm hearing about this😂) to fall back on, you know, just in case things turn sour. I think that’s a dangerous way to begin a relationship in which growing together and helping each other reach your full potentials is very important.
3. Timing; when is the right time? 1 month after dating, 1 year, 4 years? I think the time is different for different couples depending on where you both are in life, career etc. Why did I propose now, how did I know it was the right time? I felt it. I thought about it more and more daily; I have a steady source of income, more than ever I needed Chinju’s support (awwwwww but being engaged doesn't change my level of support 💯) and just felt the need to take our relationship to the next level. Quite importantly, we had argued quite a bit, (you can say that again😓) forgiven each other (so important in long term relationships😊), learned from the arguments and grown; that was and will always be reassuring.
4. Wedding planning is a very stressful time and could lead to serious strain in relationships between couples and their families. We have both now experienced items 1, 2 and 3 above and will be experiencing item 4 during the upcoming months. Chinju and I are choosing to consciously take a different approach to wedding planning by keeping the focus on the marriage and life after the wedding day (preach 🙋🏽but the wedding's still gon' be lit 🤗). A wedding is a celebration, it’s a party to mark a momentous event in the lives of the couple and families and we plan to treat it as such. It’s not the end of the world but the beginning of something beautiful and so our budget, attitude and plans will be reflective of that.
Do we expect challenges, rough days, dry spells? Ofcourse we do, but we must always remember the moment I went down on one knee to ask her to marry me and the emotions that flowed when she said YES.
I hope this short write up helps you, the single guy/girl looking to get into a relationship soon, the newly engaged or even married couple to figure out solutions or steps towards a happier relationship with one another full of love and progress (AMEN to that).
I know this was a little different from what you're used to but it's good to switch it up sometimes. If you have any questions for Obi, please leave a comment or send a message HERE and I'll get him to reply😉.
Don't forget to keep on loving!