Hello, welcome back to ATTICS.
I wasn't really sure where I was headed with this but I just felt like I had something to say. Something about when to end your relationship and when you might be overreacting if you're thinking about ending your relationship. You probably don't want to hear that you're overreacting but it's most likely true. I know because I've been there more than a few times.
While I can only speak for myself and to my experiences, I'm sharing this because it's likely that what has helped me will help you if you have a similar personality . i.e.stubborn and highly opinionated with trust issues😔or if you're simply in the same situation.
In the span of being committed for a little over 2 years now, I've probably suggested breaking up like 5 times. The funny thing is that I was serious every one of those times (I was obviously scared of what could happen and the control freak in me came out every one of those 5 times). But my BF knew that whatever was going on wasn't that serious and worth ending the relationship over. That said, he'd always argue against it/ask if I'm sure that's what I want. Being the stubborn person that I am, I'd insist that it is. But we've never actually broken up. We once reached an agreement to separate/ give each other space for 5 days. It lasted about 3 hours until I sent him a funny post on IG. LOL shameful I know. But over time, I've realized that I have a problem i.e. I'm so quick to suggest breaking up even when it is not the right thing to do because I trust easily and I'm scared to have that trust broken. It's probably one of my biggest fears. So, as much as I'm fully committed, I'm so afraid to get my heart broken that I'd rather just cut my losses and move on.
The solution Jumping to conclusions about ending things obviously isn't the best way to go about things in a relationship, so I've had to examine myself and work on doing better. This is what I came up with. When I'm really pissed off and feel like breaking up, I write a letter to my BF. I vent, curse, whatever I need to do in the moment (but on paper) and then I put it in my nightstand😂. The idea is that if in 24 hours, I still feel that way, then I'll send him the message. But so far, time has proved to be an important aspect of dealing with these things. Within that 24hours, one of three things usually happens:
1. He apologizes on his own
2. I don't feel as strongly as I felt about whatever was going on and I can live without discussing it
3. I still feel passionately about it but I'm not as angry as I was the day before and I'm now in the frame of mind to have a productive conversation about it.
All three scenarios have been my experience and I've just felt so much better about dealing with things in this way. Since I'm usually impulsive about these decisions, taking some time to 'calm down' and reflect a little, goes a long way. I'm happy to say that it's been over 3 months since my last break-up suggestion. I love the feeling that I've grown and that I can come up with ways of solving problems without breaking up being my go-to.
I wrote about patience (READ HERE) and honestly that's also important here. If you're the type to want to talk about things as soon as they happen (like me) and your partner's not the same, consider being more patient. While you're giving them time to process, use that same time to explore the options and consider other perspectives or just do something else that does not involve them.
BTW using the 24 hr breakup rule is good for the overall health of your relationship because who wants to be with someone who keeps trying to break up with them? Whatever you're felling, don't make it all about you and forget to consider your partner.
Remember that "there are no shortcuts to any place worth going"- Beverly Sills.
Be patient and if it's meant to be, in time you'll find your rhythm together. Keep on Loving❣️